I was going to write in one of my journals about this topic, but I figured that I might as well post it here, just in case it might help any of you.
I’m going to talk about the conflicts that go on in my brain between my perfectionist and peacemaker sides. How do I know I’m a peacemaker and perfectionist? I took the enneagram test…and I’m not just taking the test at it’s word either. All the descriptions make sense, and have made me more aware of why I feel and act the way I do. Also, this article may turn into a rant – you’ve been warned.
As a 9w1 (first peacemaker; then reformer, which includes being a perfectionist), I desperately want peace, but I also want everything to be perfect. I want to please everyone perfectly. But that’s impossible, and it’s frustrating. Also, when I have things that I – my personal self (getting extremely reduntant here so you get the point) – want to do… I give up if I can’t be perfect, and I give up if other people want me to do something else. I don’t want any conflict, but in trying to be perfect and please everyone, I also create a lot of conflict – in my head. It’s not fun. I don’t get to accomplish my own goals, it’s impossible to please everyone, perfection evades me, conflict erupts anyways, and I get nowhere.
I’ve got to stop…but at the same time, I’ve got to work with my strengths. Being a perfectionist is a blessing, when you are always working to the best of your ability. Being a peacemaker is handy if you don’t want to be fighting all the time. But herein lies my problem: How do I reconcile the two? How do I use my strengths for good instead of just giving up because I can’t be perfect and because I can’t please everyone?
It’s a million-dollar question, and I’m looking for answers.